Famous Quotes to Reconsider

FAMOUS QUOTES TO RECONSIDER

"Man is so made that when anything fires his soul impossibilities vanish." – Jean De La Fontaine

Now, there’s a quote I can’t argue with.

But if you’ve known me for a while, you know that there’s a little game I like to play with the most brilliant minds that have ever graced this planet:

It’s called: FAMOUS QUOTES TO RECONSIDER

For instance, Steve Jobs once said: “If today were the last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today?”

Although I love what he’s pointing to: Live by your highest values, i.e are you wasting time playing Candy Crush on the toilet, when you could be doing something more worth-while?

Mr. Job’s statement, and many other famous quotes about evaluating what you do on a daily basis against the thought that today is your last day, is really not practical. 

Yeah, yeah, we’re all general cosmic phenomena embodied in human form and all… 

But if I thought that I needed to live each day in a way that I’ve made up that I would if it was my last – the dishes wouldn’t get cleaned, and the laundry wouldn’t get folded, and it’s really hard to chop celery as a general cosmic phenomenon.

Here’s another one by Eleanor Roosevelt that has found its place on greeting cards and refrigerator magnets at Barnes and Nobles around the globe:

“Do one thing everyday that scares you. Those small things that make us uncomfortable help us build courage to do the work we do.”

Sorry, Elenor, I think you’ve got it backwards. See Jean De La Fontaine’s quote above. 

(BTW, I get really insecure when pronouncing French things… why can’t we just go to get the Flatware at Sur La Table - and pronounce it: Sir La ˈtābəl? ANYWAY…) 

Why purposefully seek that which you fear – especially on a daily basis? When living from inspiration and purpose flicks the burden of fear and impossibility off of your shoulder like that bug-zapper-thing incinerates mosquitoes on the porch on humid August evenings?

Zzzzzt!

If you’ve been beating the crap out of yourself - or the life you’re living - with your ‘shoulds,’ ‘ought tos,’ or ‘need tos,’ here’s something I’ve seen recently that has helped me to relax a bit more into what is, and what is not… 

There’s this dude I once went down a rabbit hole with – John DeMartini (and it was only partly because “Martini” is in his name)… and by ‘rabbit hole’ I mean I read his books and listened to his schizzle. I didn’t ACTUALLY go down a rabbit hole with him – he’s not my type – but there IS a high degree of likelihood that I drank a martini at some point whilst down his hole.

SO. When I did his thing, I remember doing a walk through my life to assess my “highest values.” Childhood, adolescence, early adulthood, 30s, 40s, etc… 

And one common theme was: ‘travel and adventure.’

Since I was in diapers, I have always loved to go to new places. 

I love to travel, and for a mother of 3 young and busy children, I do it quite often. 

Some might look at my work and career and conclude: “Well you have to.” 

But I know that the truth is back-to-front – I MUST travel, and from that desire a career has emerged that necessitates it. 

When my children were old enough to leave for days or a week at-a-time, and I began to travel more for work, a ritualistic ‘snark’ would always greet me upon my return. 

My Frank, seeing my travels and experiences, told himself that he TOO should travel and see more of the world. 

And every time I would come home and tell of my experiences, it would make him feel jealous, even resentful. 

And he’d say things like: “Hope you don’t have travel plans for next month because I’M going away somewhere!” 

For their 40th birthdays – Frank and his best friend started making plans to go to Europe to visit the factories where Ferrari and Porshe were made. Frank is a FREAK about cars - anything with an engine, really (planes, boats, automobiles), but mostly cars. 

For the first 3 months of their 39th year, there were conversations about where they should go and how they should get there. But the conversations and planning dwindled, and eventually drown in the pool of other priorities, and the 40th birthday came-and-went without a trip to celebrate.

This “failure to fly,” only compounded the grief that he’d give himself, and the guilt I’d feel upon my travel returns – each return reminding him of what he perceived as his travel incompetence. 

Sometimes I’d try to help him “fix” his situation by ‘blocking time out on the calendar.’ Or I’d insist that he come with me, or research places that looked appealing and even book tickets so that he’d HAVE to go. 

None of which worked, as what he was actually doing – working his butt off – always seemed to be ‘in the way.’

Earlier this year when I returned from a conference in London, his ritual lamenting:
“I’m just too busy.”
“I need to get a hobby.” 
“I need to take time off to travel more.” Etc.
And my ritual of guilt, ensued. 

I asked him to take a walk with me to reengage and burn off the clouds of his "I-should-be-traveling-more," and my "I-shouldn’t-be-traveling-so-much," self-loathing.

Which I all but ignored and asked: “how’s work been?”

In response, the dude LIT UP! And spewed like a fire hose with a nail hole: 

“Great! I can’t beLIEVE how everything has worked-out so well in such a short time! Looks like all those moves and hard work will be worth it. It boils down to I just seem to be able to outwork everyone, and once again have quickly made myself indispensable.”

And then it hit me… Frank doesn’t actually want to travel.

In the 32 years that I’ve known him, I have never known anything to stand in his way when he’s really after something.

So I told him what I saw. And gave examples of how he had beaten incredible odds time and time again - in business, and in all aspects of his life that supported it.

And also pointed out that if he was taking all the time out to travel and develop hobbies that he says he “should” have, he would never have been able to come so far so fast.

And oh, by-the-way – anything that inspires you enough to get you up at 4:30 in the morning, and spend 14 hours/day doing, that also leaves you with MORE energy at the end of the day … I’d say that’s what most people are looking for in a hobby, or travel, or whatever else sets them on fire.

And then it hit him too – he actually kind of liked the idea of how powerful he was when he was in line with what was truly calling him, instead of TRYING to get in line with something that was really just someone else’s ‘great’ idea.

That insight also changed the way I looked at many things in my life. 

I used to bitch and moan about all the times we’ve moved – not just about moving, but about what I made up that it was doing to my children: that they won’t have the kind of calm, consistent, sheltered childhood experience of living in a neighborhood, like I did. Because that’s what has made me so sane and stable – [insert LMAO emoji face here.]

The reality was – moving wasn’t ever REALLY a problem for me. 

In fact, in the weeks leading up to, during, and after a move – I experienced tremendous energy and fulfillment, and sailed through challenges like a champ because it was satisfying my highest values: adventure, travel, and supporting someone I love to live an inspired life.

Moving only felt heavy when I accepted the stories that others were projecting onto my situation from their own perspective: that moving is hard; that NOT providing a consistent geographical location for kids to grow up is harmful to them; or that I was subordinating myself to my partner by moving over-and-over again.

The reality is - I was born a nomad, a rolling stone, evidenced by consistent desire or actual events. 

I love fresh starts, clean slates, new zip codes, and what better way to shed stale relationships than to move away from them? 

Friend: “Meet you for coffee so that you can give me free advice about my mother-in-law and toenail fungus for the 20th time?” 

Me: “Sorry, we’ve moved.”

And the reality IS – my kids are flyin’ it BECAUSE they’ve moved so much. They’re incredibly flexible, resilient, open-minded, adaptable, and not afraid to be afraid.

When I came home from my recent travels to Europe, the ‘re-entry’ was totally different. Not because either Frank or I did anything different, but because we now see a bit more about what truly inspires us, and each other. 

Frank sees that traveling feeds me as much as his career feeds him. And he knows that if he supports me to do what feeds me, then I’ll have the energy and inspiration to continue holding the fort at home, so that he can continue his rigorous schedule that makes him come alive. 

THE UNIVERSE MOVES OUR BONES. 

And our experience of how we are, or how we are NOT being moved, comes from the story that we tell ourselves ABOUT what we are, or are not, doing.

I don’t need to be reminded to breathe, eat, or sleep.

I also don’t need to be reminded to learn, to teach, to write, to travel, to be a mom and support the people I love to live inspired lives. 

It’s what I do, for now, without effort, or pushing, or to-do lists.

Have I made my first million, written a book, started blogging daily, trained for a marathon, lost those extra pounds, gotten another tattoo, made more local mom-friends, engaged that corporate wellness email list, or any of those other things on the should/ought to list? 

Not yet… perhaps not ever. We’ll see.

But meanwhile, 'Mr. Steve Jobs' (dead as you may be), writing this ‘love note’ to the inter-webs, and then doing those dishes, IS the thing I’d be doing if today was my last day. 

How do I know? Because I am. And it might very well be my last day. 

And my satisfaction with that doesn’t come from the act, but from the knowing that I am being moved to do the very thing I’m doing.

So Mr. Fontaine, I’m really sorry if I mispronounced your name (not that you care, you’ve been dead for 300 years).

If I were to ‘reconsider’ your famous quote, the only thing I’d add is that: being on fire doesn’t just make impossible things vanish, it also gets the dishes done.

Love,

Karen