Since this is my first blog accounting a dialogue with the coach/sage/mystic in my head, I’d better explain…
The reason that there are 3 descriptions up there (could’ve been more) is because It takes on different personalities. Sometimes it’s a male or female coachie-friend around my age. Sometimes it’s an African American grandmother-type – like the character in the book, "The Shack" who played God (she calls me “Sugar"). Sometimes it’s a little-girl version of myself.
Whatever form It takes, it's always appropriate, and It always speaks the truth.
It was born long ago, and I’m pretty sure she's been there my whole life. But it wasn’t until 2011 that I actually started to have an exchange with It.
At the time, I was going through a particularly difficult and transformative period in my life (just to scratch the surface of the bottom of the hell I was in.)
One day, after peeling myself off the floor of my walk-in closet (where I had been surrendering to some Animal Guide, Arch Angel, Grandmother or Grandfather of the 4 Directions, Ascended Master or whatever I had been studying about at the time…), and out of the puddle of snot and tears that I had been swimming in… my legs started to move and they took me for a long walk.
It was on that walk that a prayer I had been repeating my whole life was answered:
“I wish I just had somebody like me to talk to.”
Something made me grab my phone, and I sent a text message… to myself:
"Where should I look for You? I mean, I don’t know what to do to feel better.
I feel separate from love…from God."
To my surprise, my fingers started moving, and something answered back:
"Then you are. But never totally. What you believe, you feel."
And then it went like this:
But why can’t He go first? I surrender. I give up. Fill me up.
You have to empty yourself first.
I feel empty.
Your feeling is something. Be still.
That doesn’t help.
You haven’t done it yet.
Since then I’ve written many of my schizophrenic conversations with whomever that is (‘IT’ always speaks in italics, and I never know what it’s going to say next.)
So here’s what happened this morning…
What are you staring at?
Are you going to write something, or what?
I don’t know what to write about.
Why did you sit down and click on that “new document” thing?
I dunno. It’s usually entertaining when I write while in a dark mood, and I thought that something helpful might come out of it.
Now we’re getting somewhere – why are you in a dark mood?
I have no idea. I woke up in it. Wait, that’s not true. I woke up ok, then started thinking that I should have gotten up earlier to work out instead of hitting ‘snooze’ a bagillion times.
It WAS raining this morning for the first time since you arrived in California.
I KNOW! I thought I’d be all excited for a gloomie day – it’s like Southern California’s version of a snow day… except the kids still go to school.
Yeah. Except I wasn’t excited, I just felt stormy. Huh. Although, now that I’m talking about it, I do feel better after drying my hair.
How did drying your hair help?
I can’t really say. I took a shower, poured a cup of coffee, and sat down at the computer to check my email. And then I of course checked myself out in the FaceTime Window, in case anyone called or spontaneously invited me to a Zoom Conference. When I saw how frizzy my air-drying hair was, I got up to fix it. Then checked again in the FaceTime window, and felt a bit better.
Was it the freshly pressed hair, or the fact that you got up from your computer and listened to whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa for 5 minutes while getting an arm work out with a round brush?
So you're saying that it's that whole - 'we feel better when our thinking settles' - thing that those 3 Principals people are always on about (myself included, but let's not focus on the details.).
Yup. 30% of the time it works 100% of the time. And the other 70% of the time it still works 100% of the time, except you’re falling for the trick that the way you felt was because of the snooze button or how your hair looked in FaceTime.
You totally stole that from Anchor Man.
I modified it...
So what are you going to do now?
Work on my website so I can suck people into my world to tell them about this important revelation brought to me by hair frizz.
What are you going to do?
Hang out with you to see what happens next.